Oh, I miss having someone I can tell about everything.Ewan ko ba, feeling ko nag-bago na lahat. Im not surprise about this but, Im so hurt. I feel like there’s something missing. I dont know, I hate this weird feeling. :( I miss my bestfriend. The one that I used to know, hays. </3
Im a teenager, please dont expect me to have a perfect attitude. I think its too much, take away all my gadgets? Oh. guhd, I study hard just to please her. I have good grades, I can only go online every weekend. Just because I stay late night at my phone you will take away all my gadgets? Just that? wow, its my only escape for studying 12hours a day. My bad, I didn’t know I need to be a nerd. The only thing you can see is the bad and wrong things Im doing, Oh well. What’s new? Im always wrong, worthless, rebel or what so ever.. Im sick of this, If you can only appreciate all my efforts just to have good grades.. If you could only know. You cant see the good in it. Sorry, Im not a perfect daughter or sister.
Im so happy, everythings okay now between me and mom. :”> She came home at 12 in the afternoon, then I talked to her about what happened yesterday and yeah. The mess is over. Hahaha. Then right after we talked she told me to take a bath, Im so smelly na daw. kidding! =)) We go shopping at Trinoma the whole day. Bought some heels, and clothes. Then bonding together ofc! We play at Timezone! :”“> Yess! For the first time! Hahah. Before we go, we had coffee at starbucks and took some pictures together, too bad I cant upload it tonight. Maybe tomorrow, my card reader is.. uhhmm, I dont know where I put it eh. Sorry. -__- Haha. After Trinoma, we decided to have dinner at Antipolo, but before we go to antipolo we pick up Richard(my brother) and my cousins to join us on our dinner. Sayang, my dad wasn’t there. I miss him. Complete family sana kami kanina, but its okay. So yeah, We go to Antipolo, Cloud9 to be exact. A hotel and restau where in you can see the view of Manila by night. It was awesome!! Guys! I swear! The view is so cool! :> and the place was very elegant. Im so entertained with the singers there, senior singers. They sang Just the way you are by Bruno Mars! anothere awesome! Hahah. I love that place so much, I wanna take pictures but my camera depleted already. :( Uhh. Sayang again. Haha. About our dinner, the food wasn’t that great but I assure you, at Cloud9 that place was pretty awesome! You guys must go there too! But dont forget to wear your jackets, its so cold though its open air. :”> All my stress and problems.. Nawala na lahat, sobrang relaxing ng place na yun. Haha. By the way I had really fun. I love the place, and I love the people Im with kanina. :”> Lalo na si Mom. Alright, this is enough. I think I need to get a rest now. I’ll wake up early pa like 5am in the morning. Byeeeee! :”> I LOVE THIS DAY!
- When I hang with a boy doesn’t mean he’s my boyfriend.
- School is hard, and I’m trying my best.
- I’m a teenager, I don’t always have the best attitude.
- I try to make the best decisions for me.
- I’m young and want to have fun.
- If I’m out all night doesn’t mean I’m drinking or doing drugs.
- Not all my friends can be a bad influence.
- I feel useless whenever they compare me to other people.
Kahit na anong pagalit at sermon gawin nyo sakin, okay lang. Nagpapakabait naman ako kahit hindi nyo nakikita. Im doing everything na makakapag pasaya sainyo though hindi nyo nakikita. Im studying hard to please you. I know hindi nyo nakikita at hindi kayo naniniwala. Please, mom and dad. Trust me, I’ll make you proud someday. I assure you. Kahit gano kasakit na salita pa marinig ko galing sainyo, tatanggapin ko nalang, I love you both. Sana ma-appreciate nyo lahat ng ginagawa ko. Sana makita nyo. If you could only read what’s on my mind, you’d be in tears. Sorry Mom, and Dad if I always disappoint you. :(
Nasasaktan din ako twing nakikita kitang nasasaktan, alam mo yun? Lalo na kapag alam kong ako yung dahilan pero wala akong magawa. Hindi ko man sinasadya. :(
No more internet. I wont pay the internet for this month cause I want to focus more on my study. Gusto kong alisin lahat ng distraction. Instead na pinang-babayad ko monthly yung allowance ko, maybe I’ll just do something productive. I will enroll on a modeling school this month. I’ll go on a photography class, I’ll get a math tutor. Yeah, because I suck in math. Hahaha. =)) And last but not the least mag eenroll ako sa fashion school where in I can practice my drawing skill. Gusto ko kasi maging fashion designer. Anyways, Im starting my plans for future now. ansaveeeh? Dami ko kasing plano para sa buhay ko, at wala pa dun ang pag-boboyfriend. Mas masaya siguro yung ganito. kahit 3rd year pa lang ako nagpprepare na ko sa college life ko, Im looking for a condo na rin and a car. Actually on Monday afterclass I’ll have my driving lesson. Woohoo! Excited for that! I learned to live life without cellphone na nga eh, 3months ng wala. Maybe makakaya ko naman ng walng internet. Goodluck sakin. :) By the way, Im doing all of this to please my mom, and sana mapansin na nila ko. attention seeker eh. Sorry.
Sa totoo lang, ayoko na muna mag-boyfriend. I promise myself na hindi na muna ako mag-boboyfriend dahil pang-gulo at problema lang yan. Tsaka na rin kase gusto kong ipakita kila mommy na hindi sila madididsappoint sakin. Gusto ko lang mabuhay ng single hanggang college. I want to study hard eh. Focus focus din. My freshmen and sophomore life was less serious, I mean.. I have passing grades pero hindi talaga ko nag-aaral, Im more into parties and guys.
Nagbabago naman ako eh, lahat naman ginagawa ko. Please lang, wag nyo na ulit ulitin sakin kung ano ako dati. It makes me feel like.. Uhh, kailangan ko pa ba talaga mag-bago oh magloloko nalang ulit ako kase yun naman nasa isip nila? Please naman. :( Nakakainis lang. Ginagawa ko lahat ng kaya ko para sainyo pero parang wala padin.
Bakit ang hirap umintindi ng parents? ewan ko. hindi sila ganun ka-open. Actually pwede naman sila kausapin pero parang nag-aalangan ako kase baka maglit sila or what. So I just keep it with myself. kung ano man yung sasabihin ko sana, gusto ko lang naman sana ipaalam sakanila na I care a lot and I love them so much pero pag kumukuha ko ng tyempo makausap sila sasabihin nila “Let’s talk next time. Im busy” Kahit sa text nga sometime I texted them with my novel thoughts. ang haba, ang drama.. Then I asked them when they got home if they read my text.. NO. :( later daw, madami daw kasing ginagawa sa office. Ilang araw ko na kayang dinadamdam yun. :( Ang sakit maignore. gusto ko lang naman sila makausap kahit lagi silang busy eh, bawal ba? :( Tapos sobrang sama ng loob ko, nag-aliw nalang muna ako sa mall. na-late ng uwi and bad mood pag uwi ko, sasabhin nila bat late daw ako umuwi eh baka daw nag-cut class ako. gaahd. :( </3 I always wanted to make them feel that worth it lahat ng binabayad nila sa tuition ko kaya never ako magccut class, pero wala eh. napag dudahan pako ng ganun. ang sakit lang kase, mejo nasagot ko sila ng di tama kase ayoko talagang pinag iisipan ako ng ganun. Ang babaw ko daw para ma-hurt sa simpleng sinabe nila. :( Hindi naman kasi sila yung nasabihan at hindi sila yung nakakaramdam. Please naman, sana ma-appreciate naman nila ko. :(
Alam mo yung feeling na wala ka ng ibang magagawa kundi umiyak mag-isa kasi hindi mo naman pwede sabihin sa iba dahil alam mong wala silang pakialam kaya sasarilihin mo nalang yung sakit. Tapos akala nila okay ka lang kase masayahin kang tao, pero di nila alam nag-cocover up ka nalang kahit sobrang sakit na. :(( Hindi naman porket masayahin na tao, hindi na nasasaktan eh. :( Ang drama ko sa tumblr, tapos mamaya mga post ko sa twitter at fb puro may “HAHAHA” pa kahit ang totoo ni-hindi ko kayang ngumiti ngayon. :(
If you could only read what’s on my mind, you’d be touch. If only you could see what’s on my heart, I assure you.. You’d be in tears. :(
You know the feeling when you’re hurting badly and you want to talk to someone but you realize that they doesnt care so you decided to cry yourself out and just ease the pain. You’re crying and you find yourself holding your own hands wishing that someone else would do it for you.. :((